EMM02: "Asthma Attack" by Etgar Keret
Chicago, Illinois
Saturday, June 5
Around 3:20PM
I'm standing in the shade of a tree older than I will ever be. Next to me is a blue Lyft bicycle. (Yes, they exist.)
I've ridden it at least 10 miles today — maybe more. I've been pedaling along a greenway next to Lake Michigan, through busy city streets with skyscrapers looming over me, through picture-perfect parks.
I'm supposed to be back at the Airbnb by 4PM. As it stands, I'm on-track. I should be able to make that time…
If my legs don't quit on me.
The trouble started about 45 minutes ago.
I'd sat down in one of those picture-perfect parks, under a different tree much older than me, looking out on lake Michigan, and read for a while.
But when I got back on the bike and started pedaling, my legs were not thrilled about it. Maybe they had thought their work was done. That now it was time to relax.
Unfortunately for both them and me — that was not the case.
So instead of confidently carrying me mile after mile, like they had for the earlier part of the day…
They started to cramp.
Not like a full-on "holy shit there is no way this is going to work" cramp. But more of an "oh I still have a long way to go and this is not a good sign" cramp.
Each time I pushed down on a pedal, the muscles toward the inside of my thighs would seize up ever so slightly. It was inconvenient, but manageable, so I pedaled on.
But now I'm standing in a park, roughly 40 minutes from home, with legs that are damn near refusing to get me there. And I'm a little worried.
After a stressful stretching session and a swig of Coke, I get back on the bike.
The cramps don't go away. If anything, they get worse.
My legs cramp when I pedal. They cramp when I stop.
But I'm in too deep to turn back now. So I grit my teeth, pray my legs won't completely rebel against me, and keep pedaling.
By the time I make it back to the Airbnb, my leg muscles are twitching in a rhythm I can't decipher — sporadically writhing under the skin.
"Look at this," I say to my friend Jeremy as the muscles spasm.
"Dude — you should stretch those out," he says.
So I lie on the floor and stretch my poor legs for the next 15 minutes. And for the rest of the night, they more or less behave themselves.
But it can be a frightening thing when your body rebels against you.
And that's what the piece we're reviewing in this week's Email Marketing Motivation is all about.
It's called "Asthma Attack," and it's written by Etgar Keret.
It's only 116 words long. And it's a perfect example of the fact that a piece of writing doesn’t have to be long to be powerful.
Let's dig in.
The Piece
Photo from Paul Holdengraber on Twitter
Lessons We Can Learn From This Piece
1. Use Conditional Statements To Make Your Point.
Check out the beginning of the piece:
"When you have an asthma attack, you can't breathe. When you can't breathe, you can hardly talk."
Apparently, these are called "conditional statements." And as I understand it, conditional statements are statements that follow logic like:
"If A is true, then B must be true too."
… and they are very good for making a logical argument.
Remember that people make buying decisions largely based on emotion — so focus on emotion first in your marketing (this is why learning to tell good stories can be powerful) — but they justify those purchases with logic.
After buying a jet ski, most people would not try to justify their purchase by telling their friends:
"Yeah, it's way more than I can afford, but it's super badass. Don't you think? And just imagine how much fun I'm going to have on it."
Instead, they'd say something like:
"Yeah, it's definitely a big purchase. But they were running a Labor Day special. So I got it for 25% off. The payments are super low. And I'm planning to rent out my spare bedroom on Airbnb a few nights per month to cover the payment."
All that to say, if you want people to feel good about buying things from you, then you'll need to use logic to show them why buying your products is a good idea.
Conditional statements are a great way to do that. Here's an example from the email I sent to my list when I launched Email Marketing Motivation:
"The better you get at writing, the better your emails will become…
The better your emails are, the more your readers will connect with them…
The more your readers connect with your emails, the more likely they are to trust you…
And the more they trust you, the more likely they are to buy your products."
So, tell good stories, focus on emotion — but don't forget to use logic in your emails too.
2. Vary Your Sentence Length.
This piece is mesmerizing for many reasons. But one of those reasons is because Keret varies the sentence length.
His shortest sentence is 3 words long. His longest sentence is 19 words.
Varying your sentence length keeps a reader engaged. It creates a rhythm. It makes your writing fun, exciting, and unpredictable.
So if you're writing an email and you notice all your sentences are around the same length — see if you can shorten some and lengthen others.
You're trying to create a rhythm that keeps readers moving through your copy. So read through your piece a few times and make edits until you practically "fall" through the copy.
3. Use Imagery And Metaphors To Engage The Reader.
Check out these 3 sentences from the piece:
"You rummage through the jumble in your head. Choose the crucial ones — those cost you too. Let healthy people toss out whatever comes to mind, the way you throw out the garbage."
As you read, you get a mental picture of an asthmatic person rummaging through a pile of words, carefully picking their very best ones. While those careless "healthy people" throw their words out willy-nilly.
This type of visual imagery helps you understand exactly what Keret is talking about.
We've all had the experience of sorting through a pile of something — clothes, toys, you name it — so when he describes this image we can immediately relate, even if we have no idea what an asthma attack feels like.
If you're describing a complex concept in your emails…
Or if you're talking about something you don't think your reader has experienced…
Use imagery or a metaphor to relate the concept to something they do understand.
4. Write Like You Talk.
Read this piece out loud.
When you do, you'll notice that you don't really get hung up on any of the words. They come out naturally.
If you were sitting down with Keret and said:
"I have no idea what an asthma attack is like. Can you describe it?"
You can almost imagine him saying this to you in response.
The problem with writing like you talk is that it's not as easy as it sounds. It's kind of like drawing if you're not good at drawing.
Take me, for example.
I can look at an apple on a table, study it, memorize its lines, attempt to know it better than I know my own soul. But when I put pencil to paper and try to draw that apple…
I end up with something that looks more like a deflated kickball than a piece of food.
If you struggle with writing like you talk, you'll like the exercise at the end of this article.
5. Use "You" Responsibly.
13 out of the 116 words in this piece are "you" or "your." (That's 11.2% for you math nerds out there.)
That's one of the reasons the piece grabs your attention so well. Keret immediately pulls you in by speaking directly to you.
This is a powerful tool. But you have to use it responsibly.
Using "you" can be a great way to call out who your product is for and who you serve. It helps people self-select whether they identify with you and your brand or not.
Remember those old TV infomercials with openers like:
"Don't you just HATE when you try to reheat leftovers in the microwave and they splatter all over the place?"
If you don't have that problem, you'll answer "no," and you'll tune out.
But if you just spent 5 minutes wiping dried spaghetti sauce off the walls of your microwave… then you'll start paying attention.
There are 2 things you have to be careful about when it comes to using "you" in your copy, though:
First — don't overdo it.
This one is hard to explain. But you'll know it if you see it. Basically, if it feels like you're using the word "you" more than a person would in normal conversation…
Then you might want to pull back.
(As I write this, I am now hyper-aware of the amount of times I have said "you" in this section alone.)
Second — make sure you get it right.
You can't serve everyone.
Hell, Walmart sells motor oil within the same building as milk and even they can't serve everyone.
So it's okay to use "you" to help readers self-select. But in order to do that — you need to actually know who your readers are.
You will inevitably repel some people with your emails. It's part of the game. The goal isn't to know what everyone wants or needs. The goal is to know what your most important customers want and need.
So talk to your readers. Ask them questions. Find out why they pay attention to you. Discover how you can be as helpful to them as possible.
That way, when you use the word "you" in your emails — you'll be speaking directly to those people. Because if you can serve and communicate effectively with your ideal customers…
Everyone else can go kick rocks.
How To Apply These Lessons To Your Email Marketing ASAP
Here's a quick summary of the lessons from this piece:
Use conditional statements to make your point
Vary your sentence length
Use imagery and metaphors to engage the reader
Write like you talk
Use "you" responsibly
And here's how you can apply them to your email marketing:
Identify a story that relates to one of the products or services you sell.
For example —
If you sell a course that teaches people how to start investing in cryptocurrency, you could tell the story of the first time you heard about Bitcoin.
Where were you? What were you doing? Did someone tell you about it? Did you read something online? Did you think it sounded crazy? Genius? What did you do afterwards?
Record yourself telling the full story — every single detail, be long-winded — then listen to the recording…
Do your best not to cringe at the sound of your own voice…
And write the story out as an email, using the exact words you said in the recording.
Once you're done, edit it to make it flow smoothly. (Remember, your goal is to "fall" through the copy.)
Vary your sentence length to make sure your writing isn't monotonous.
Add in metaphors and imagery where it makes sense.
Make sure you're not overusing "you."
And if you're trying to make a point or convince your reader of something anywhere in your story — use conditional statements to do it.
Here's What You Should Do Next
Thanks for reading Email Marketing Motivation. Here's what you should do next:
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