EMM05: "Comedian Caleb Hearon on Poop Jokes and ‘Staying Regular’"
I promise I didn't do this on purpose.
It's not like I have some sort of "thing" for essays about poop.
Really, I don't. Scout's honor.
I don't have a "poop essay quota," otherwise known as a "PEQ," where I'm trying to feature one piece per month in Email Marketing Motivation that involves poop.
Hand over my heart, I promise you this is an accident.
And in case you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about right now, I'll explain:
The first episode of Email Marketing Motivation featured a piece called "Big Boy" by David Sedaris — a short essay about a massive dump left in a toilet at a dinner party.
And, well, today's piece — released exactly 4 weeks after that first one — it's ummm…
Well… it's also about poop.
But before you start thinking I'm some sort of maniac, at least give me a second to explain myself.
Yesterday, I was searching for a piece to feature for this week's episode. I was browsing Vulture Comedy, looking for a funny, lighthearted essay when an ad caught my eye. It read:
"A Memorable Bowel Movement With Comedian Caleb Hearon"
There was a black button below it that read:
"Read More on The Cut"
And the image below that button featured 3 pink vitaminwater bottles over a blue background with stars on it.
I can't speak for you, but any content under the umbrella of "comedians talking about poop" is something that will always be difficult for me to avoid.
… so I clicked the ad, wondering:
"What in the hell is going on here? Is vitaminwater really running an ad about shitting?"
Yes. Yes they are.
Let's take a look.
The Piece
Lessons We Can Learn From This Piece
1. Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously
Last night, I was watching this workshop on essay writing, and heard an idea that applies perfectly to this piece.
I won't quote it verbatim (because frankly, I don't want to comb back through the video to find the exact quote), but here's my interpretation of it:
In order to write a good essay (or email, in our case), you must be a likeable narrator. But "likeable" does not mean "perfect."
In fact…
Being likeable in writing often means showing your flaws honestly and owning them.
And if you can add a sense of humor to that honesty — you'll win over even more readers. Just like Caleb Hearon (the author of this piece) does here:
"I am bravely living with IBS and lactose intolerance and absolutely refusing to adjust my diet or lifestyle accordingly. I will sit down for dinner and have 45 spicy sriracha chicken wings, an entire tub of ice cream, a giant wheel of cheese like a cartoon rat, and seven milkshakes. Then when I awake in the night with a stomach ache I will earnestly wonder what went wrong. How did we get here? I’m an idiot with a bad stomach and no ability to think critically. I do not believe in 'listening to my body.' Screw that, I’m not taking orders from bacteria."
If you're wondering what it sounds like to inject voice and personality into your writing — to sound like YOU, instead of someone else — this is it.
Hearon is honest about who he is, but he doesn't take himself too seriously. He doesn't pull any punches — especially when it comes to describing himself. And because he's self-deprecating and unflinchingly honest, we care about him.
You can do the same thing in your emails by being honest (which I mention in Episode #3) and adding a little self-deprecating humor to that honesty.
So if you're a perfectionist — what's the most ridiculous thing you've done in pursuit of perfection?
Or if you've never been great at choosing outfits for events — tell a story about the time you wore a Hawaiian shirt to a black-tie affair.
The point is — know who you are, be honest about it, and don't take yourself too seriously.
It will make you more likeable. It will make your emails more readable. And as a result — more people will probably buy whatever it is you're selling.
2. Use Asides To Your Advantage
Learning to write compelling email copy is difficult, because there are multiple layers to it.
There's the "general command of the English language" layer… which means that your writing actually has to make sense when people read it.
There's the "direct response marketing" layer… which means that you need to know what to say, when to say it, and why you're saying it so that people will click a button or buy a thing.
And if you're a solopreneur or a personal brand, there's the "personality" or "voice" layer… which means that you want your emails to sound like YOU — no one else.
This tip can really help with that last part.
Injecting personality into your writing can be difficult. But if you use asides the right way, they can be a "cheat code" to add a little personality without having to try too hard.
Check out these sections from Hearon's piece:
"The Ancient Greeks (which would be an amazing band name, by the way) had two conceptions of time."
"... I had taken a picture of myself by the water and posted it to my Instagram page with the lyrics to a very famous song about Boston (which I cannot name For Legal Reasons) as the caption."
"A few moments into My Radical Act (pooping in public) I noticed that a song was floating gently in the air from speakers mounted overhead."
Notice how, in each set of parentheses, Hearon says something that gives you a little more insight into his personality.
You can do the same thing in your email copywriting.
For example, let's say you're writing an email about dinner at your Mother-In-Law's house. You could say something like:
"My Mother-In-Law is a lovely woman, but her cooking is… well, it needs a little work.
(Also, Maude — if you're reading this, I'm sorry. It's nothing against you, I promise. But we both know that quiche was drier than Death Valley in July.)"
These parenthetical asides are the type of comment you would lean over and make to a friend at the movie theater. They're the unfiltered version of you.
As with anything in writing — use your own judgement. I'm not your dad (at least I don't think I am?), and only you can decide what's appropriate.
But hopefully this gives you an easy idea for how you can inject some personality and have a little more fun in your emails.
3. Reveal Your Thought Process
Another concept from the essay-writing workshop last night:
You are used to going through life in your own brain… but no one else is. So your perspective on things is unique to others.
By revealing your thought process behind your actions or beliefs, you're giving readers a peek inside your brain.
This helps you build a bond with them. Hearon does it in this sentence:
"I didn’t want to say ‘public’ restroom and make it obvious that I wasn’t a guest at the very elegant hotel."
Remember — people are reading your emails because they are interested in YOU. Obviously, they're a bit selfish — because we all are — and they're interested in the products you sell or how you can help them…
But if they stick around for any length of time, it's because they're at least somewhat interested in you as a person.
So show them who you are and how you think about the world. It will probably be more helpful than you realize.
4. Know Your Job
I've been referencing Chuck Palahniuk's book, Consider This, incessantly lately. Even I am getting annoyed with myself at how much I keep talking about it…
But hey, it's a great book. And it's relevant here. So I don't mind being a broken record.
In it, Palahniuk writes:
"The best writers seem to read our minds, and they nail exactly what we've never been able to put into words."
Caleb Hearon does that in this piece when he says:
"... I was pooping one of those poops where you can tell as it comes out that you’re going to feel amazing when it’s all over."
Look…
LOOK, I said.
Let's not play coy here.
I know that you know exactly what he's talking about. Hell, we ALL know what he's talking about.
Everybody poops. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
When you're writing emails to your list, one of the "roles" you can (and should) take on is:
"The person who says the thing that everyone realizes but no one has said yet."
This can even be as simple as talking about a glorious poop in the lobby restroom of a Boston hotel.
… although, and you can quote me on this:
I wouldn't necessarily recommend writing an email about a bowel movement.
Here's an example I just came up with that's not poop-related, just so you can see what a non-fecal version looks like:
"Yesterday, I met an interesting waiter at the restaurant where I had dinner. He was super friendly.
… but he almost seemed a little too friendly. Ya know?
Like the type of person who is either legitimately the nicest person you've ever met…
Or the type of person who has a freezer full of body parts in his basement."
Now, to be clear — I didn't go out to dinner last night. This waiter is purely hypothetical. But the point is…
I think we've all met people like that.
People who are almost frighteningly nice. People who make you wonder:
"Is this person just ridiculously friendly? Or are they about to come unhinged and pull a switchblade out of their back pocket?"
And that example above paints a picture of that truth.
5. Speak To Your Reader's Aspirational Identity
If you sell a good product, it helps take people from who they are now to who they want to be.
Good copywriting shows people how a product can help them make that transformation. And your email copy is no different.
While it's powerful to speak to pain points, struggles, and frustrations…
It's also powerful to speak to your reader's aspirational identity — not the person they are now, but the person they want to be.
This is something I learned from Chris Orzechowski.
If you can show people how your product not only helps them solve a problem… but also helps them become the person they want to be…
Then you're more likely to make more sales.
As an example:
No one buys expensive art to solve a tangible problem.
No one buys a pricey painting, hangs it on their wall, and says:
"Wow this is really going to help fix that plumbing issue!"
Instead, that expensive piece of art solves an intangible problem.
It helps the buyer feel more cultured, more civilized, more refined.
It moves them closer to the identity they want for themselves.
And maybe they already are those things and buying expensive art allows them to maintain that identity.
Whatever the case, remember that your product doesn't just solve a problem for customers…
It helps them become someone new.
Who is that person? Who do they want to be? And how does your product help them become that?
Hearon does that in a very obvious way in this piece, which I like:
"By the way, drinking vitaminwater instead of soda makes me an advanced and enlightened person. An innovator in the health and lifestyle space. A disruptor who does things a little differently."
It's clearly sarcastic. But there's a grain of truth in it, too.
How To Apply These Lessons To Your Email Marketing ASAP
Here's a quick summary of the lessons from this piece:
Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously
Use Asides To Your Advantage
Reveal Your Thought Process
Know Your Job
Speak To Your Reader's Aspirational Identity
And here's how you can apply them to your email marketing:
Write an email about an embarrassing moment from your life.
This should be something that no longer embarrasses you, so you can be honest about it and avoid taking yourself too seriously.
Within your email — use parenthetical asides to inject some personality, reveal your thought process during the course of the event, and see if you can express some sort of "universal truth" about the situation.
Then, at the end of your email — if you're pitching a product — speak to the reader's aspirational identity.
Don't just talk about how your product solves a problem. Also talk about how it makes the reader's life better…
How it helps make them into the version of themselves that they really want to be.
(It goes without saying here that if you're making these types of promises, your product should actually deliver on them.)
If you want more guidance on how to pitch your product at the end of your emails…
Here's What You Should Do Next
Thanks for reading Email Marketing Motivation. Here's what you should do next:
Click here and join my email list. I'll give you a heads up when I publish the next episode of Email Marketing Motivation, AND you'll get free access to my subject line copywriting handbook, Subject Line Shortcuts.
Share this article with someone — or a group of people — who would like it. They'll be impressed by how smart and thoughtful you are.
Check out my course, Stories That Sell, if you want my comprehensive guide on how to write storytelling emails that earn more money for your business and help you connect with your audience in a genuine way.