Brain.fm Email Breakdown #2
Note: The first Brain.fm email breakdown was published in Chris Orzechowski’s Email of the Week series. Click here to read it.
Would you rather:
A) Get punched in the face by the strongest person in the world?
B) Get punched in the face by the SECOND strongest person in the world?
The truth is, it doesn’t matter. Either way, it’s gonna hurt.
Black eye. Busted lip. Missing teeth.
That’s how I feel about the second email in the Brain.fm Welcome Sequence.
I don’t mean that it’s going to cause you serious physical injury…
I mean that, while it’s not as strong as the first email in the sequence, it’s still good. It still gets the job done.
That said, just like the second strongest person in the world undoubtedly works out to become the first strongest person in the world…
There are a few things we can do with this second email to make it stronger too.
So, let’s look at what’s working with this email, as well as a few things I would test.
Subject: “Robert Here’s how to get the most out of Brain.fm”
Here’s what I like about this subject line:
1. It uses the reader’s name.
In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie says that a person’s favorite word in any language is their own name.
It’s true. And this subject line capitalizes on that.
As long as you don’t overdo it, using a subscriber’s name in a subject line is a great way to catch their attention.
2. It offers a clear benefit to the reader.
Curiosity and Benefit are two of the most powerful forces in copywriting. They’re so powerful, in fact, that I refer to the combination as:
CopyCrack.
The only difference between CopyCrack and crack cocaine is — well, actually, there are a lot of differences. But the point is:
Combining Curiosity and Benefit will practically always strengthen your copy.
There’s a little Curiosity in this subject line, but it really leans heavily on the Benefit angle by promising to show you “how to get the most out of Brain.fm.”
That said, here’s what I’d be interested in testing:
1. Shortening the subject line.
I’m okay with long subject lines every now and then. But, since this is the second email a subscriber receives from Brain.fm…
I would try a shorter subject line with more Curiosity. (More on that in a moment.)
Copywriter & Marketer Ian Stanley suggests that you “keep your subject line to eight words or less.”
It’s good advice. If your subject line is too long, people will tune out. And that’s never a good thing — especially not this early in the customer relationship.
As a general rule, keep subject lines short and pack them with Curiosity, Benefit, or a combination of the two.
And if you want some extra guidance writing subject lines, check out my subject line copywriting handbook, Subject Line Shortcuts.
2. Ramping up the Specificity.
Specificity is how you end up with headlines like:
“How This Ex-Con With 13 Face Tattoos Earned $16,697 In Just 43 Hours!”
Yes, it’s odd. Yes, it’s over-the-top. But I bet you’re at least a liiittle curious about that article, aren’t you?
I certainly am.
And that’s the point:
I’m curious.
And if I’m curious, I’m more likely to pay attention. I’m more likely to open an email, click a link, you name it.
So if you want to make a subject line stronger, one way to do it is to add Curiosity. And one way to do that is to get specific.
Based on the copy in the body of the email, which you’ll see below, an alternative subject line could be something like:
“Robert — do THIS to boost focus by 93%”
It’s not the best subject line ever written. But it does a few things well:
It’s short
It includes the reader’s name
It adds an element of curiosity (by including a specific percentage — 93% — as well as a clickbaity “do THIS”)
Okay, now to the email itself.
More Difficult Than Playing Catch With A Football Covered In Vaseline
Look, I’ve never played catch with a vaseline-covered football, but I bet it’s not easy to do.
The same is true for starting an email with a question.
It’s difficult, because if the reader’s answer to your question is “no…”
Then you’ve already lost them.
In general, I only like starting an email with a question if 1 of the following 2 things is true:
The question is short, or…
I know the answer will be “yes.”
So, a question like…
“Hey have you ever listened to XYZ band?”
… is probably okay. Because even if the reader answers “no,” they still have enough mental bandwidth to continue reading and find out why you asked.
Additionally, a question like…
“Have you ever had an awkward family dinner?”
… is probably okay too, since pretty much everyone will be able to answer “yes” to that question.
But the question that begins this email isn’t short…
And, in my opinion, isn’t going to elicit a guaranteed “yes.” Interestingly, the problem comes down to one specific phrase.
Here’s the question that the email starts with:
“Have you ever felt so in flow with what you were doing, you lost track of time and achieved extraordinary results?”
And here is the problem phrase:
“achieved extraordinary results”
Here’s why that’s a problem:
First, “extraordinary results” is vague. It doesn’t give the reader a guidepost by which to answer “yes” or “no.”
(Your definition of “extraordinary results” might be different than my definition of “extraordinary results.”)
And second, most people are humble.
They’re not going to say “Why yes, I have achieved MANY extraordinary results! Thank you for asking!”
Even if they have done work they’re proud of, they’re unlikely to call it “extraordinary.” (Again, because what even is “extraordinary” anyway?)
So, the takeaways:
1) Ask a question that has a clear answer.
2) Ask yourself the question you want to include in your email. If it confuses you or turns you off — change it.
All that said, I’d love to test a version of this email that drastically simplifies the question and helps the reader envision what it’s like to be in flow state.
This is future-pacing. And as I mentioned in breakdown #1, it’s a very powerful tool.
Maybe something like:
“Hey Robert,
Most people have that one thing on their to-do list they just can’t seem to check off.
It’s been there for weeks. And day after day, it stares at them…
And they always say:
“I’ll get to that TOMORROW.”
Do YOU have one of those items on YOUR list?
If you’re anything like the Brain.fm team, I’ll bet the answer is a resounding “OMG YES.”
But imagine if you could knock out that dreaded to-do list item in 3 hours or less with practically zero effort.
That’s what being in flow state is like:
You finish things — quickly and (surprisingly) easily.
Since flow state is so powerful, we don’t think you should have to wait around for it. We believe you should be able to get into flow state on-demand…
So you can get more work done, with less effort, and enjoy more free time to create the life you really want.
That’s why we created Brain.fm…”
We’ve still included a question in this new example (“Do you have one of those items on your list?”). But it’s much more specific than the one in the original email.
The answer is “yes” or “no.”
There is no in-between.
It’s shorter. It’s only 10 words long, while the question in the original email is 21 words.
And, in my opinion, it’s a question that is practically guaranteed to get a “yes” from anyone in the target audience.
Nearly all of us have that one thing we’ve been meaning to do for months but never gotten around to.
We know that it will probably go faster than we think. And getting started is really the hardest part. But day after day, week after week, we put it off just a little longer.
That’s how you hit on a pain point in a good way. Point out a problem. Be specific. Provide a solution.
Setting Expectations
Imagine, for a moment, that you run a donut shop.
You sell the most beautiful sugar-laden treats in town, and your customers love them.
One day, you notice that one of your regular customers seems disgruntled, so you ask what’s wrong.
“These donuts aren’t making me healthy at all! My doctor says my cholesterol is way too high, and I’m at risk for diabetes! I’m never coming here again!”
This customer is clearly crazy. No one eats donuts to get healthier. And that’s the problem:
Your customer’s goal (to become healthier) didn’t align with the benefits your product could offer (lovely fluffy sugary goodness).
This is obviously a simplistic example, but the point remains:
If you want customers to be as happy as possible, it’s important to coach them through HOW to use your product and WHAT to expect.
As the owner of a donut shop, you wouldn’t say:
“Eat these to become healthy.”
You would say:
“Eat these because they taste good.”
That’s what’s great about this section of copy. It shows the reader exactly how they can use the product.
Even if you sell a simple product, don’t assume people will know how to use it. Coach them. Show them exactly how your product fits into their life. (This is another thing I learned from Ian Stanley.)
This section of copy is powerful because, as someone reads it, they are envisioning themselves performing those activities while listening to Brain.fm.
It gets them to envision, in clear detail, how the product improves their life.
It’s powerful.
Look At All That Proof!
At this point, if you’re just starting to use Brain.fm, you might be wondering:
“Yeah, but does this stuff actually work?”
This section doesn’t just tell you the product works, it shows you with stats. And what’s also important about this section is what it doesn’t say.
The writer doesn’t get into the full details of the white papers, research experiments, or grants — which is smart. This email is not the time or place for it.
Instead, the reader gets the most important takeaways, a powerful dose of proof, and a link to read more if they want.
It’s a great section of copy.
Here’s my only gripe:
Who is Steve?
Yesterday, I got an email from the CEO. And now I’m getting an email from Steve.
It’s a minor detail, but it’s an incongruence nonetheless.
I’d love to get a little more background on Steve and why he’s emailing me instead of Dan, the CEO, who sent me the first email.
(Special shoutout to Angie Colee here. This is something I saw her call out once, and if not for that, I don’t know if I would have caught it in this sequence.)
Takeaways From Brain.fm Email #2
Using the reader’s name in a subject line is a powerful way to grab attention. (Just don’t overdo it.)
Curiosity and Benefit are two of the most powerful forces in copywriting. Use them both individually and together to strengthen your copy.
In general, strive to keep subject lines short.
Specific copy is stronger than vague copy. (“How This Ex-Con With 13 Face Tattoos Earned $16,697 In Just 43 Hours!” is stronger than “How This Person Made A Lot Of Money In A Short Amount Of Time”)
Starting an email with a question is difficult. If you decide to do it, do so carefully.
Coach people on what to expect, and use future-pacing to help them envision how your product will make them feel. This is powerful when done well.
Paint a clear picture of how your product fits into (and improves!) the reader’s life.
Don’t just tell people your product works. Show them with stats and quotes.
An email is (usually) not the place to get into nitty gritty details of stats, studies, or whitepapers. Give the reader highlights and explain things simply. Then, give them a link if they want to dig deeper.
If you are sending emails from an individual (and you should be), give the reader a little context on who the sender is — especially if this is the reader’s first time receiving an email from the person.
If you’ve made it this far, you’ll probably enjoy my emails too.