Brain.fm Email Breakdown #5

My baseball career lasted all of one day.

At my first ever practice, the coach put me in the outfield. And as you might expect from a team full of 5-year-olds — nothing happened.

Kids at that age aren’t generally known for their ability to wallop baseballs all the way to the fences. At 5 years old, if you can just hit the ball off the tee, you’re doing alright.

So when my dad picked me up, I said:

“Dad, can I NOT do that again?”

Thankfully, he didn’t make me go back.

Since then, I’ve only gotten better at quitting things. In fact, I love quitting things.

I love the feeling when a previously-filled space in my schedule opens up.

Now, I should also mention that I do love finishing things too.

But in general, I finish things that are worth finishing — books, pizzas, and this Brain.fm email breakdown series.

Subject: “Brain.fm #Protips to improve your focus, relax, sleep habits”

Let’s look at what’s working with this subject line.

1. It highlights a benefit.

As I mentioned in Breakdown #2:

“Curiosity and Benefit are two of the most powerful forces in copywriting.”

This subject line leans heavily on Benefit — which is completely okay. You don’t need to use both Curiosity and Benefit to create a strong subject line.

Although you can combine them — they can also each work well on their own.

2. It uses (mostly) lowercase lettering.

I’m not saying you can never use capital letters in your subject lines. But I am saying that you should…

Never Write A Subject Line That Looks Like This.

In general, you want emails to look like they’re coming from a human being — not a corporate overlord. (Remember Laura Belgray’s “Emails From A Bestie” philosophy.)

This subject line is conservative with its capital lettering. And that’s a good thing.

Now, here are my challenges with this subject line.

1. It feels a lot like a Swiss Army Knife.

It’s been 15+ years since I’ve owned a Swiss Army Knife, so I’m going to say something that may or may not be true:

Swiss Army Knives are okay at a lot of things… but great at nothing.

(Dear Swiss Army, please do not kill me. Thank you.)

This subject line feels like a Swiss Army Knife to me.

It’s attempting to do a lot:

  • Mention the company name

  • Use the phrase “#protips”

  • Mention all the potential uses of Brain.fm (focusing, relaxing, sleeping)

There’s nothing wrong with highlighting multiple benefits in a subject line, but tread carefully. There’s a fine line between “highlighting multiple benefits” and “doing too much.”

2. It’s clunky.

Read that subject line out loud:

“Brain dot eff em (hashtag) protips to improve your focus, relax, sleep habits”

Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, does it?

That’s what I mean when I say this subject line is clunky. It sounds odd when you read it.

Your subject lines — and all your other copy for that matter — should sound normal and natural when read out loud. It should flow.

If you’re getting tongue-tied reading it…

So is everyone else.

Here are a few potential new subject lines:

Boost focus, relaxation, and sleep with THIS

How to focus, relax, and sleep — on-demand

Your free trial ends in 12 hours…

[ENDING TODAY] Your Brain.fm trial is almost over

I’m gonna miss you…

Notice that these subject lines are simpler and shorter than the original.

Read them out loud, too, and see how they feel.

Pretty natural, right?

The first two combine Curiosity and Benefit. The third and fourth use Urgency to get attention. And the fifth one is straight Curiosity.

They all use a casual tone and mostly lowercase lettering — except where ALL CAPS is used to emphasize certain things (which is okay).

The Most Important Part Of Your Email…

Aside from your subject line and the credibility you’ve built with your audience — the first line is the most important part of your email.

Get it right, and you hook your reader into continuing through the copy.

Get it wrong, and your email gets quickly skimmed over (at best) or deleted (at worst).

The first line of this email needs some work. There are two main things that need to be fixed:

1. This line assumes something about the reader that may not be true.

In the past, I mostly avoided the word “you” in my copy altogether. I’ve changed my tune since then, but I still firmly believe that…

If you use “you” in your copy to talk about your reader — you should be damn sure you’re saying something accurate.

In this example, the copy says:

“You’re ready to take the next step into improving how you focus, etc…”

But is that really true? Does the company know that I’m ready to take the next step?

Maybe this is an assumption that, since I’ve been using Brain.fm for a few days now, I’m ready to “take the next step…”

But in my opinion, it’s still an assumption — not necessarily an accurate fact.

2. It’s a bit wordy and vague.

What does “taking the next step into improving how I focus, relax, and sleep (outside of just the music)” actually mean?

I’ll admit, I can get the general gist of it. But it takes some effort. And if it takes readers effort to understand what you’re trying to say…

You’re likely to lose their attention.

But there IS hope…

The bullets that follow the opening lines are great.

That being the case, I’m in favor of shortening the heck out of the first line and diving into the bullets.

Maybe something like:

“Hey Robert,

We wanna share something to help you…

  • Set up a deep work session to crush through your checklist and hit your quarterly goals

  • Create an evening routine to get the best sleep possible and wake up feeling recharged

  • Design the ideal relaxation and refueling formula

Interested?

Click here to check out our Knowledgebase Quick Start Guide.”

A couple things to note about this:

I think the “Knowledgebase Quick Start Guide” should be renamed to something sexier.

When was the last time you thought:

“Fuck! I wish I just had a Knowledgebase Quick Start Guide help me with this!”

???

Probably never. And it’s clear that the Brain.fm team has put a lot of work into the guide. (They really do create great content! Seriously, look at this.)

So a new name could get a lot more well-deserved eyes on it.

And even though this section is improved, it still feels a bit out of place with the current email. And here’s why…

“Let’s Not Try To Ride Two Horses With One Ass.” — Chris Orzechowski

Spend enough time listening to Chris Orzechowski talk about email, and you’ll eventually hear him say something like:

“Let’s not try to ride two horses with one ass here.”

Don’t try to do multiple things kind-of well. Instead, do one thing really fucking well.

In general, your emails should have one single call-to-action.

This email has two.

First, it encourages the reader to check out the Knowledgebase Quick Start Guide.

Then, it encourages them to subscribe to a paid version of Brain.fm.

It’s riding two horses with one ass.

I would guess, since this is the last email in the sequence, the main goal is making sure people actually subscribe to the paid version of Brain.fm.

So, instead of taking up real estate at the beginning of the email talking about the Quick Start Guide, I would just make this a “straight sale” email.

A “straight sale” email might be scary for some people, but if someone is still engaged with your emails and still using your service this far into the sequence…

They’re on the fence, and they’re trying to decide whether to buy or not.

It can be difficult to do a straight sale email well. So I took a shot at this one to give you an example.

Subject: Robert I’m gonna miss you

Hey Robert,

Looks like this is the last day of your Brain.fm trial. And I gotta say…

I’m gonna miss you.

Over the last few days, I’ve:

  • Made you #1 in my Top 8 on Myspace

  • Decided that when I finally adopt that dog down at the shelter, I’m going to name him Robert

  • And I even told my mom about you when she came over for tea yesterday

I know this all probably sounds a little weird (that’s what my mom said anyway) …

But I know I speak for the whole Brain.fm team when I say:

We’d love for you to stick around.

If you sign up for a Brain.fm Pro Membership today, you’ll join 150,000+ other members who control their mental states on-demand.

That includes people like Kat Boogaard, who said:

“I don’t know what sort of witchcraft @BrainfmApp has up its sleeve. But, whew, I’ve had my headphones on all morning and my productivity levels have been through the roof. 🧠”

Josh Frank, who said:

“The perfect amount of upbeat, and not distracting. Highly recommended for folks like me that have trouble getting focused and usually have 300 tabs open.”

And Benton Woodring, who made us blush with this one:

“@BrainfmApp has been such a game changer. For those of you who are looking for music / ambient noise to help you focus, this one really works.”

And they’re not the only ones…

As of right now, we have 4,000+ 5-star reviews. So it sure seems like we’re doing something right.

If you’re on the fence, I get it. But I’ll shoot you straight:

Brain.fm is $6.99 per month with no contracts, commitments, or funny business.

You can literally just spend $6.99 to try Brain.fm for a month and see if it’s right for you. If not — just cancel your membership and move on.

And when you reeeeaaally think about it, $6.99 is half the price of a Netflix membership… with a heck of a lot more benefits.

Just think…

For the next month — you could have the ability to:

  • Get into flow state on-demand and knock out work faster (and easier) than ever before

  • Press “play” and immediately begin to unwind after a long stressful day

  • Slip into a rejuvenating, meditative state with practically zero effort

If that’s not worth $6.99 to you — no problem. Feel free to delete this email and move on. (I’ll even keep you in my Top 8!)

But if you want to enjoy the power of controlling your mental states on-demand for the next month or more…

Click here to sign up for Brain.fm Pro today.

Steve

P.S. If you want to get the best deal possible, sign up for our annual membership.

(It comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee.)

That’s not perfect, but it should give you an idea of how to do a straight sale email with some personality.

In general, the big takeaways for a “straight sale” email are:

  • Add some personality. If you’re going to sell to people, try to write something captivating — whether they buy or not.

  • Lean heavily on social proof. Note the mention of 150,000+ users, 4,000+ 5-star reviews, and the glowing testimonials. Show readers that the service will be worth their money — and that plenty of other people think so too.

  • Be direct. I’m a big fan of directly calling out the price whenever possible — especially when the price is as reasonable as it is in this example.

  • Future pace / Highlight benefits. Check out the bullets at the end of the email. We’re showing the reader what life will be like when they sign up for Brain.fm.

  • Use a clear CTA. No need to be cute or fancy. If the reader has made it this far in the email, they’re probably interested. Just make it easy for them to know what to do next.

Takeaways From Brain.fm Email #5

  1. To write a strong subject line, make readers curious, show them a benefit, or do both.

  2. Don’t Title Case Your Subject Lines.

  3. Highlighting multiple benefits in a subject line is difficult. If you want to do it, keep your subject line as simple as possible.

  4. Read your copy out loud to make sure it’s not clunky.

  5. If you use “you” in your copy to talk about your reader — you should be damn sure you’re saying something accurate.

  6. If it takes readers effort to understand what you’re trying to say — you’re likely to lose their attention.

  7. Give sexy names to your content or guides. You’ve put in the work to create something genuinely valuable, now go the final 10% and name it something that people really want to read.

  8. In general, your emails should have a single call-to-action. (Don’t try to ride two horses with one ass.)

  9. Don’t be afraid to do a “straight sale” email, where you directly sell your product to a reader… especially at the end of your Welcome Sequence.

  10. When you write a straight sale email, make sure you: add some personality, lean heavily on social proof, speak directly, future pace / highlight benefits, and use a clear CTA.

Final Thoughts

Brain.fm is a hell of a product. In fact, I’m listening to it as I write this. I highly recommend it.

I know, at times, during these breakdowns, I’ve been critical about the copy in these emails, but that’s kind of the point. We have to see what’s broken in order to fix it.

That said, my intent is not to criticize the company or the writer who wrote any of these emails — just to provide a second opinion on the copy itself. So I hope nothing has come across as too critical. If so, just take it as a sign of how passionate I get about good copy. :)

I hope you’ve enjoyed this series. If you’re interested in working together on a project — click here.

Robert Lucas