Brain.fm Email Breakdown #4
Note: This is the 4th email breakdown in the series.
Click here for Email Breakdown #1.
5-year-old me would have been a terrible business owner.
Not because I could barely write my name. And not because I was still shitting my pants occasionally. But because I was a perfectionist.
If you took a peek into my kindergarten classroom, you were likely to find me at the teacher’s desk, asking:
“Mrs. Hamilton, did I get a 100?”
Scoring a 100% on an assignment was the gold standard. And that’s what I wanted.
But as a business owner, copywriter, or even just a human being — you can’t always get a 100%.
(Believe me, I’ve tried.)
Instead, sometimes you have to go with “good enough.”
“Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.”
The email we’re reviewing today is good. It’s the second best email in the Brain.fm Welcome Sequence, right behind the Welcome Email itself.
And while I’ve gotten a handle on my perfectionist tendencies over the last 23 years, I haven’t eliminated them completely.
So today, we’re going to figure out how to get this email one step closer to “perfect” (while also understanding that perfection doesn’t actually exist, so we’re just gonna do the best we can, because that’s really all we CAN do, right? RIGHT!?).
Anyway…
Subject: “Music + Neuroscience = Flow”
This is a subject line formula I learned from Chris Orzechowski.
“THING 1 + THING 2 = THING 3”
It’s simple. And when done right, it’s intriguing.
I would guess that this subject line performs pretty well. It’s short. It’s simple. And it’s somewhat intriguing.
It has a great foundation, but I’d want to test a few tweaks.
Basically, I want to put this subject line on steroids and see what happens.
Here’s what I mean:
First, I would make the first letter of each word lowercase.
It’s a minor change, but it makes the subject line look much more casual.
Second, I would change “flow” to something more concrete.
In a perfect world, we would be able to set up a sequence for each Brain.fm use case (productivity, relaxation, meditation, sleep). Here’s what that would look like:
Productivity: “flow” changes to “effortless productivity”
Relaxation: “flow” changes to “instant relaxation”
Meditation: “flow” changes to “effortless mindfulness”
Sleep: “flow” changes to “better sleep”
Buuuuut that would complicate things on the tech side. So if we’re looking for a word that works for all use cases, I’d go with “bliss,” “happiness,” or something similar.
Finally, I’d add a question mark at the end to ramp up the curiosity.
So, here are the subject lines that leaves us with:
Productivity: “music + neuroscience = effortless productivity?”
Relaxation: “music + neuroscience = instant relaxation?”
Meditation: “music + neuroscience = effortless mindfulness?”
Sleep: “music + neuroscience = better sleep?”
General: “music + neuroscience = bliss?”
Comin’ In Hot
This is a good first sentence.
Notice how it reminds the reader of the big benefit of Brain.fm:
“… choose your mental state on-demand.”
This mirrors the first line in the very first email of the sequence, which mentions how users…
“… use Brain.fm to get into mental states on-demand.”
Reminding your reader of the main message you are trying to communicate is a great thing to do in your copy. But be careful not to echo.
“Echo” is unintentionally repeating a phrase. It’s when you say the same thing twice without meaning to.
“Repetition,” on the other hand, is when you say the same thing twice on purpose. Sometimes the repetition is spaced so far apart that your reader barely realizes you’re repeating yourself (like in this case).
And sometimes it’s done close together to create rhythm or draw more attention to an idea. (I just learned that the technical term for this is “anaphora.”)
Here’s an example from a speech by Winston Churchill:
“We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills.”
Okay moving on…
By talking about “getting into mental states on-demand” in the first email of the sequence and this one (the fourth email in the sequence), the writer is using Repetition as a subtle reminder of the reason the reader downloaded Brain.fm in the first place.
The only (minor) change I would make to this first section would be to simplify it. Maybe something like:
“Hey Robert,
Every Brain.fm song has the same goal:
To give you the power to choose your mental state on-demand.
So no matter what vibe you’re looking for, we’ve got you covered…”
“Ooooh Recommendations!”
I love this section.
Like I mentioned in Email Breakdown #2 — never assume people know how to use your product. Always coach them.
When trying anything new, most people want to know that they’re doing it “right.”
Giving the reader specific directions on how to use Brain.fm provides peace-of-mind that they are using it the “right” way.
Also, take a look at the formatting here.
The copy is very easy to read due to the emojis and bolding on each bullet.
Writing good copy isn’t just about the words you use. It’s about the way you format those words too.
Final thing:
The last bullet is the best one.
It gives personal information about Steve (who is the guy writing the email)…
It’s written like he’s talking to a friend (“the nature tracks work super well for me personally” is exactly how someone would talk in real life)…
And it paints a picture of how those specific tracks make him feel… which future-paces how the reader will feel when listening to them too!
Because those things make this bullet so much more powerful than the others, I’d edit this section to include a personal note like this on every one.
“So What?”
Most products have one main benefit and many secondary benefits.
The first sentence in this section feels like a description of one of Brain.fm’s secondary benefits:
Their tracks are made by real people. Not robots.
And I think that’s a good thing. But as a reader, I need a little more information to know why it’s a good thing.
I would love to see a little more context in this section that answers what I call “the golden question of copywriting:”
“So what?”
Why is it important that these tracks were made by real people?
What are the issues with tracks made by robots?
Even if it’s something as simple as…
“Creating music for Brain.fm allows composers to get paid to do what they love.”
… I’d like to hear about it. Because then, not only would I feel better about using Brain.fm…
I’d be able to brag to my friends about it too.
“Yeah, Brain.fm isn’t just great because it works. It also helps support musicians, so they can actually get paid to do what they love.”
At that point, I’m not just a customer — I’m an advocate… and I feel good about it.
I also like that the PS is a reminder of the deadline. It’s always good to be crystal-clear about those things.
Takeaways From Brain.fm Email #4
Using lowercase letters in your subject line makes it look more casual. (This is a good thing.)
When possible, use concrete terms instead of vague ones. (Ramit Sethi calls this “taking things from the clouds to the street.”)
Adding a question mark to the end of a subject line is a simple way to increase curiosity.
Repetition is when you repeat something on purpose. Echo is when you repeat something on accident. Avoid echo, but use Repetition to remind readers of an important point.
The shorter and more intriguing your first sentence is, the more likely people are to continue reading your copy.
Write copy isn’t just about the words you use. It’s about the way you format those words too.
Be personable in your emails. Tell readers why you like a specific product and how you use it. This helps them build a bond with you and gives them ideas for how they can use your product.
Don’t forget the golden question of copywriting: “so what?” Show readers why certain features or benefits are important. Don’t assume they know.
Explaining why certain features and benefits are important turns customers into advocates who tell friends and family about your product. (This is free advertising. So make sure you take advantage of it.)
Be crystal-clear about deadlines.
If you’ve made it this far, you’ll probably enjoy my emails too.